Article initial de 2013 consultable here
The principle of family constellations
Family constellations are a living representation of an organizational system, familial en l'occurrence, where actors will recreate the relationships occurring between the different members of the organization.
They can highlight operations inherited from our families, in psycho, and also how interactions between members. The basic premise is that love and loyalty to his lineage presides over the life of the child and that he "did his best with his story" as a partner. Each family works under the same rules :
- Need to belong, that the information is not known or,
- Need hierarchy (a child can not behave like the parent of its own parent)
- Balance between give and take
Intergenerational influences are termed "entanglement". We are thus in some ways like flies caught in the son of the spider web woven by the history of our families. Marriage is the meeting of two stories, but loyalty goes to the family of origin, to the ancestors.
This mode of therapy has been developed by Bert Hellinger in a very empirical and taught through experimentation.
The therapist who presides over the session will usually explained by a short lecture on the functioning of the psycho-genealogy and bonds of loyalty within the system. Then he chooses those who will mount the first constellation.
After the first constellation, a short debriefing will allow everyone to breathe before moving to the next ...
I knew by name this therapy and did not feel drawn : I found him on one side "magic", after seeing the video on Youtube that this.
Strangely, this is my osteopath who encouraged me to go in September 2010, during a consultation caused by a sprained ankle. She put me in the hands of a name and phone number ...
Two days later, I am now training for my job as a trainer : lunch, table, my trainer-manager talks about family constellations ! I felt surrounded ... Listening to the coincidence (synchronicity as Jung KG), I then decided to experiment. The moment came in January 2011, as Parisian dates corresponded to previous days training in naturopathy.
My first day of constellations
I watched 2 Youtube videos before coming. I had also read that being chosen to represent a member of the history dotted by another participant was necessarily echo his own story. So, it is not useful to work constellate family history, participate and even looking to understand and move events.
I immediately liked the atmosphere : to prepare the room, Daniella Conti to allumé la flamme (from life) and started a essential oil diffuser.
After the sequence of explanations, constellations began.
The first participant wanted to work the relationship with her daughter (as in the video above.) She chose a representative for her, her ex-husband and daughter. After a few minutes, lacked a character "death" : I was selected. Following the course of a violent death figured the person I incarnated ... For me, I saw no more then ; as the death, débranchais the world and I vaguely heard the mother resume its rightful place and be reconciled with the representative of her ex-husband.
For the second constellation, I became the representative of the constellante husband who wanted to work on infertility which undermined his marriage ! The progress made shows that the parents of the woman had lost a young child and they remained prostrate in their pain ; their daughter suffered from lack of attention and there was confusion between the roles of parent and husband he was so attentive. At the end of the constellation, both spouses were face to face without touching, simply to look.
My third took place after the meal : I was a concept, the social stigma of unmarried mother whose grandfather was born of an unknown mother.
Over the constellations, I saw parents dismayed by the number of stillbirths or miscarriage, frozen in pain forget that children living, I saw sisters combine hierarchy between them - the youngest to the eldest behave like, I live very sheltered Jews in North Africa frozen in horror not to participate in the Holocaust. For the latter constellation, I represented even a casualty of war ...
So I included items on my family history, I am the youngest positioning of elder, whose grandfather never returned from captivity, whose grandmother was born before the marriage of his parents ... The stories that were not mine found an echo which allowed me to change my view of my family system.
My family situation has moved quickly then, but certainly not where I expected : My father died less than 3 weeks after ...
My second day of constellations
For this another day, I expect again a great day. Unfortunately, it was very disappointing. I confess that I felt bad : I was in the midst of indigestion repetitive, I had trouble focusing.
I have little memory and did not take notes of the day : constellations débutaient but their evolution does not always make for a term. I remember especially a constellation where the chain of generations on each side of the parents allowed the child to enroll in a line.
The frustration is the memory the more significant of the constellations of the day. But I had the joy of meeting participants on the first day. The woman whom I had played the husband was present and explained that the existing separation during the first day continued its course. Their paths continue to diverge but their relationship was now subsided and divorce, serene.
My third day of constellations
For the third time, I changed my therapist : I simply chose to dates that matched my availability watching on internet ! Chance (or not), Michel Divine was formed with Daniela Conti !
This time no flame of life, but still a short introductory lecture. Then we chained constellation of constellation : noon everyone had gone ! The afternoon was then devoted to a different kind of constellation : of the body, of the soul and spirit for each participant, before ending on a topical, renunciation of Benedict XVI.
I figured many women for others, often with a common : The colère. I have thus brought the wrath of the girl who does not find support with her mother and the daughter then returns eg.
Before me, Another participant started his constellation : older than me, she had a miscarriage live on oocyte donation ...
When it came my turn, I was surprised that my representative took the place of my late maternal grandmother to support my mother : I understood that his support was scarce, exceptional, limited since the death of my father, but I did not measure the limitation !
Anger manifested itself again but this time between me and my ex 20 years ! Part of my current marital difficulties is "simply" an extension of the anger of a man to another ...
I knew the fear of abandonment but had obliterated the face of anger against the men she has. What reassures me is that it is family : is an entanglement. For those who know "one-night" mailed in November 2012 published in March 2013 plug in the therapeutic area member, you can make the link with the history of my ancestors ...
Now it is conscient, anger softened and I work with the Bach Flowers.
Complément de 2017
La constellation individuelle en 2016
La vie est un processus évolutif…
Depuis cette dernière constellation de l’hiver 2013, bien des choses se sont déroulées. La plus marquante a été la prise de distance d’avec mon mari, qui était dans un processus morbide, pris dans ses propres intrications, et m’entraînait avec lui. J’ai fini par partir… Il n’est pas venu me rechercher et nous parlions divorce en cet été 2016. J’avais fait une belle rencontre et je pensais à fermer ce chapitre pour en ouvrir un autre.
De retour en France, la situation familiale avait donc évolué autant que ma situation matrimoniale : j’ai voulu faire le point avec la constellation familiale. This time, j’ai pris une voie de facilité avec la constellation individuelle guidée par une amie lilloise, Anne Baudemont, thérapeute familiale et conjugale.
La constellation individuelle se déroule toujours avec des représentants mais cette fois ce sont des playmobiles qui sont choisis pour représenter chaque membre du système ! La constellation a duré plus de 1 heure, avec toujours un entretien préalable d’explication du procédé et aussi de présentation de l’arbre généalogique.
Mon objectif était de travailler sur les relations dans la fratrie mais la surprise a été à un autre niveau…
Comme pour toutes les constellations, tout le système a bougé très vite. Tout comme ma première constellation, celle-ci a été suivie d’un décès brutal : mon époux, cette fois, il y a un an pile. Trois mois plus tard, je me remariais alors que cela était hors de propos avant !
Alors si vous voulez vous aussi faire bouger les choses dans votre vie et remettre de la fluidité et du mouvement, constellez !
To go further
- Anne Baudemont, thérapeute sur Lille
- Interview with Daniela Conti Sweet Radio-Medicine (39 mn)
- Constellations Familiales.net, site Daniela Conti
- Constellation Familiale.eu, Michel divine site with many articles explaining constellations
- A reference books : "Constellations familiales" the Bert Hellinger
Attention ! To find a therapist who follows the method presented here, verify that it indicates attend school Bert Hellinger ! You decide if you want a student direct or indirect…
Have you explored the psycho-genealogy of your family ?
Have you participated in family constellations ?
You studded your own family ?
Tell us !
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